Chloe (left) and Jigs lead the 2014 summer solstice hike up Pasture Gulch.

Chloe (left) and Jigs lead the 2014 summer solstice hike up Pasture Gulch.

In August 2011, I stopped letting Borage, Jigs, Chloe, and Lolo run free. To many, this might not seem like a big deal. Deciding to walk your dogs on leashes instead of allowing them to run wild… who cares? But in my life, the decision to restrain my dogs, snapping long extended leads to their collars before each and every hike, marked a major shift in how I navigate life. It all boiled down to one emotion — fearI was terrified. That summer, both of my parents were dying in front of me. Together, we had already endured a year of cancer, but nothing was going right. Surgeries, chemotherapy, radiation, infections, middle-of-the-night ER visits — if one more bad thing happened to someone I love, I feared I wouldn’t be able to take it.

Lolo, my once-Iditarod-lead-dog, now slinks  along close behind me as my white shadow.

Lolo, my once-Iditarod-lead-dog, now known as my white shadow.

I could be my parents’ constant caregivers, but I could not stop disease from ravaging their bodies. I longed for control — of anything. By making my dogs walk close at my side, I could prevent them from getting lost in the woods or hurt by a wild animal. I could keep them from being swept away by a swollen river. Before my parents became ill, one of my main joys was allowing my dogs to be dogs. I would arrive at a trailhead and open every car door, releasing them to the wilderness. Exploring forests, chasing critters, swimming in clear Montana waters — for 20 years, I cherished those pure moments with all of my dogs (Kirby, Rosa, Adeline, Borage, Jigs, Chloe, Lolo… and dozens more sled dogs).

Knowing what I now know, how do I go back? How do I calm the what if’s? How do I let go of those I love? I think, just maybe, some of the answers might be in the dogs themselves. Jigs, Chloe, and Lolo continue to drag me on down the trail, reminding me that life is not experienced in the later… but in the now. And that the best kind of love happens when you let go of the leash. Thankfully, they’re patient.

DSCF0374This last Monday as I was leaving Helena to drive back to Martinsdale, I noticed two young men walking single file along US 12-East headed for Townsend. It was almost 5 pm. Dark clouds churned overhead. The hikers pushed “strollers” marked with orange safety flags. They were leaving town at a good clip, moving with confidence into some BIG and wild Montana country. Seeing them, I felt pangs of both nostalgia and longing. I want to be walking with them… I thought.

Five days later, I looked out my kitchen window and discovered the same pair of hikers rolling into Martinsdale. I knew they were headed my way — my neighbor had heard through the grapevine that the two 19-year old Washington State University students were walking across the United States, from Seattle to New York City, raising money for the Seattle Childrens’ Hospital. She also said they’d be passing through our tiny town any day now.

I met Cameron Coupe and Zan Roman as they walked past my house, and I offered them a place to stay. They parked their strollers in my garage, and then took off on their skateboards to explore the town of Martinsdale. We went out to dinner at the Crazy Mountain Inn. At my house, they did laundry, took showers, wrote in their journals at my kitchen table, and crashed for the night in my living room. They fell asleep listening to the Harry Potter series-on-tape, playing the book out loud over a miniature speaker they carried with them.

A roadside find turned hikers' mascot...

A roadside find turned hikers’ mascot…

After spending months hiking on the Appalachian Trail with my dog, Kirby, and friend, Maureen, I know what it feels like to take a very long walk. Cross-country hikers can only go as fast as their legs will work. Their main focus in a day is getting from point A to point B. They carry their whole lives on their backs (or in strollers). And they are quite happy people. Hosting these two young adventurers brought back all of those feelings, and many great memories. Countless people helped us during our hike (we called them “trail angels”) — I was thrilled to pay forward the generosity of those strangers who quickly became our true friends.

If you see two young men zooming down a hill into your town on skateboards, pushing strollers pull of gear in front of them, that’s probably Cameron and Zan just passing through… offer them a place to stay and some grub and you won’t regret it. They’re great company…

Headed east...

Headed east…

Happy trails, Cameron and Zan!

Follow their progress at http://www.walkforseattlechildrens.com/

When I started this blog, my intention was to post something — a column, musing, photograph, video, etc. — every day. Knowing where my travels often take me, I knew it wouldn’t be wise to promise a daily entry. But I will always make my best effort. For the last two days, I’ve been without internet at my house. Electrical power, cell service, and internet can be “iffy” in Martinsdale. High winds knock out power lines. There are no cell phone towers in sight. Maybe the cold weather and snow up high had something to do with it? Naw, probably not, but when it snows in mid-June it sure seems like a good thing to blame your problems on… not that being out-of-the-cyber-loop is a true problem. And, no matter the season, I LOVE snow! So all is well.

Chloe says, "How many times do I have to hear this???"

Chloe says, “How many times do I have to hear this???”

Although, Chloe does seem bored by my decision to write (indoors) instead of walk (outside) in the chilly rain/hail/snow. I took a break from the memoir-writing to work on a piece of short fiction, and I’m enjoying it. I can’t say the same for Chloe — when I write, I read everything out loud over and over again. If Chloe’s snoring is any indication of my foray into fiction, I’m in real trouble.

People have been asking about my decision on grad school, so I’ll give you a quick update here. Because of too many unknowns in my life at the moment, I decided to defer admission to the Iowa State University MFA program. The offer is very exciting, and the school has a one-of-a-kind “creative writing and the environment” focus, so going through the pros and cons of relocating (when I already have two houses 1800 miles apart to maintain) was challenging. But I do feel good about the decision. And it’s good to have an option in place for next year.

Since I applied for the traditional MFA programs way back in December, I’ve learned about low-residency MFA programs from several professional writers who have attended these schools. I am looking into this as another option which would allow me to write from anywhere (Indiana, Montana, Texas, Bolivia, you name it!). My desire is to write, and I want as much direct guidance as possible. I have heard these programs have an intensive focus on both the quality and quantity of writing put out daily, pushing and supporting writers through the entire book-making process. Most of these programs require students to come on site for 10 days to 2 weeks in January and July before the start of each semester (working year-round for 2-3 years depending on the program). During those hard-core workshopping sessions, the writer picks a mentor to work with for that semester (or for the entire program). After the writer leaves campus, they send in packets of work to their mentor. Most of the programs require at least 40 hours per week of writing to complete the MFA in 2 years. Right now I am looking at schools such as Stonecoast, Vermont College of Fine Arts, the Rainier Writing Workshop, and the University of Alaska. I am still researching all of these and more. Many of the programs have both fall and spring deadlines so I hope to get some applications in by September, and then, once again, wait and wait for acceptance letters (why not be optimistic?). Acceptances to these programs are just as competitive as the traditional MFA’s so I am aware I will need patience in the process. If I can get a short story completed by September, I might apply in both fiction and non-fiction. I also need to write a critical essay — I am reading Rick Bass’ “All the Land to Hold Us” right now, hoping to write about literature and a sense of place. It’s been YEARS (University of Montana, 1994) since I wrote an essay like this. We’ll see how it goes.

I began this blog a few weeks ago to help with my memoir-in-progress. I hoped writing quick “bits” about my relationships with my dogs, my parents, the outdoors, friends, etc. would help give me new direction. Writing about being a caregiver for my parents has been difficult. I miss them so much, and putting myself in front of a computer in their lifelong home to reflect on our last years together guts me… over and over again. I thought the blog would be a good change of pace. I wrote a column for the Great Falls Tribune in Montana for 10 years, and I loved it (thanks, Mike!). Coming here to a String of Dogs takes me back to those column-writing days. And it feels like home. I thank YOU for reading!

... or is it Big Sky country?

… or is it Big Sky Country?

 

Somehow we’ve made it through one entire week back home in Montana without any major “Jigs incidents” — knock on wood. For Jigs, making it 7 days in a row without getting sprayed by a skunk or tangled up with a porcupine or stepping on a rattlesnake is a major miracle. My good fortune so far has little to do with Jigs’ improved behavior, and more to do with the fact that I’ve been hiking with him on a leash. But today, no extendo-lead was going to protect me from my terrier’s favorite Montana activity. When Jigs spots a steaming cow patty on the trail (before I do) he lunges straight towards it, ducking his head and somersaulting into the watery pile with the same enthusiasm as a teenager cannon-balling into a swimming pool. And he doesn’t stop there. He squirms back and forth on his back until his wiry coat has completely absorbed the soupy flop. When he finally stands up, the cow dung quick-dries in the wind, leaving my cuddly bedmate encrusted from head to toe. This is nothing new — I know this about Jigs — yet my time away dampened the stinking memory. After needing to give Jigs two hose-downs in one day, it’s all come back to me now. Montana is Big Cow (Pie) Country…

DSCF0128

A meadow muffin-maker takes a siesta.

Is this a joke?

Is this a joke?

Until the other day, if I had to make a quick guess, I would have imagined the closest stoplight to be at least 80 miles from my home in Martinsdale… probably on a main street in Lewistown or Livingston. So a few night ago this random stoplight out in the middle of nowhere came as a surprise to me as I drove home from a hike with the dogs. I actually stopped and waited at the red light for 15 minutes (even snapped this photo through my bug-splattered windshield) until, finally, I started to feel a little bit silly sitting there all alone, not another human or vehicle in sight. Maybe I’m imaging things… I thought to myself. If someone waits at a red light in remote Montana for over 15 minutes, are they a bit dense? If someone runs a red light in remote Montana and nobody sees it, did it really happen?

(Answers: YES, NO)